Embracing the ordinary

Ordinary lives, led by ordinary people, made of many ordinary moments

This month, you’re invited into the world of the ordinary, to witness the ordinary lives of ordinary people, and the many ordinary moments I had the privilege of being part of. It seems strange to talk about the ordinary when all around us lies the ordinary, including our very lives which we often feel is way too ordinary (and therefore, not worthy of any attention).

Since the ordinary is what is most common, we often experience a sort of disillusionment with the moments, things, people and places that are ordinary. We become disenchanted with our own lives and that of others’ and then set out in desperate attempts to find the wonder of life again or create a life that looks extraordinary to others. I recognised this desperation within myself when I first stumbled into the world of self-development and life coaching - a yearning to discover my own highest potential, to make the best of my life in every area possible, to live a life that others might admire from afar - a life that was not in the least bit ordinary.

Isn’t that what most people aspire towards? Or perhaps in resignation, they might choose to stay on the sidelines and admire the lives of those who are rich and famous instead.

It took me a while but I was able to distinguish the call of my ego from the calling of my soul while going in search of the extraordinary. My ego wanted to create an extraordinary life that others could admire from near or far, while my soul yearned for a life that was extra ordinary - one of sacred alignment with my true Self; a life that did not have to mimic others’ simply to fit in or to find false belonging, but a life that could call in true belonging both within and without.

Glimpses of the ordinary captured through my ordinary eyes

A man in his late twenties working as campus security with an eagerness to learn about taking care of his own mental health. Having left home at 19, he travelled far to a country carrying only the hopes of his family to earn good money to support their needs back home. The once strange land is now his second home, but a home that is far from his family, including his two young kids. He speaks to them every day over video calls, doing his best to stay a part of their lives even while staying apart from them. He dreams of making it big one day, perhaps as a travel vlogger, creating YouTube videos of his travels across the new land.

A waitress at a restaurant, now in her late thirties, chirpy, friendly and very social. She asks where I am from, and I tell her Singapore. I ask her questions about her life in return, not quite expecting her to reveal her story of losses. She has lived here in this land for nine years, and during this time, she fell in love with a man whom she was with for five years. He left her one day, returning to his home country for a visit but ended up being married off through his family’s arrangements. Her grief was palpable. Though she did not cry, I felt her heavy heart and the loss of hope of finding love again in her late thirties. I could only mutter, ‘I’m sorry’.

A young man, slightly goofy, and a friend to everyone including his customers. Professionally trained as a civil engineer but currently stuck at a desk job as a customer service officer at a driving school. Clearly unhappy with his job and awaiting the chance to find a better job within a year, he is definitely bad at drawing boundaries and often ends up feeling overwhelmed by all his customers’ complaints, including mine.

Another young man in his early twenties, works as a driver for a driving school and transports both students and staff from one location to another. He has been working here for the past three years, and recently got married to his cousin back home. He is filled with pride as he shows me photos of his wife in her full bridal glory as well as without any makeup on (all while driving). She looks young and beautiful either way. She’s only 19 and still in school. He dreams of finding a job in Canada or UK - any place that would give him citizenship status so he can emigrate for good and start his family in a new land he can call home.

A woman from Ethiopia, in possibly her early fifties, with fierce eyes and a self-assured confidence. She has a strong faith in her God and religion, and cites prayer as the first thing she does to soothe her mind, body and soul. Her inner strength is visible yet she believes that women are weaker and more emotional than men. (In fact, a lot of women believed this to be true during a workshop I led around the topic of mental health challenges that women face.) I wanted to respect her belief and also offer a different perspective. She could not understand my reasoning the first few times. But finally when I said that feelings are just a part of our human experience and they do not make us weak, she relented and agreed with me. It was a mini triumph for me - I felt I could finally connect with her. As we made casual conversation before the workshop started, I learnt that she dreamed of visiting Singapore one day - at least once before she dies, she said.

I never imagined Singapore could be on a bucket list for someone perhaps because having been born and raised in the country, my eyes had grown too used to the tall buildings, manicured landscapes and the same-old neighbourhoods I would wander around. What seemed fascinating to others seemed plain old boring to me. And I am also fully aware of my privilege as I say that.

When I was living in Singapore, I was living in a bubble - a bubble of familiarity, of comfort and of obscure ordinariness. And my eyes had grown dull along with my mind and my heart. It was when I stepped out of my own bubble and had the privilege of seeing up close the lives of the ordinary who have led a seemingly different life to mine and whose minds and hearts have been shaped by a very different culture and landscape than mine, that I found the dullness receding and my eyes, ears and heart opening up to the wonder of the ordinary.

These glimpses I have shared here reveal only a tiny fraction of a whole life, and are definitely not indicative of the futures they belong to. At some point though, these ordinary tales of hopes and dreams, grief and loss, success and growth, and the longing to belong, began to amaze me in ways I could not have predicted.

Now I am fascinated by the ordinary and in awe of it all - the ordinary people, living ordinary lives, filled with ordinary moments, dreaming their ordinary dreams. I delight in the ordinary moments of my life too, and I cherish them more than any other seemingly extraordinary moments.

The moment of quiet as I sit down at my desk with a hot cup of coffee, taking in the morning sunlight that streams through my windows with my full presence. 

The moment I feel the inner stirrings of inspiration and insight as I read a book or contemplate something about life. 

The moment of pause as I feel my breath moving into my body and circulating life throughout my being. 

I love watching the shadows created by the dried lavender flowers on my desk.

These are the moments that I relish in my very ordinary life now. As I practice embracing the ordinariness of my own life, and marvel at the ordinariness of others’ lives, I am also remembering that each of our ordinary lives is made special when instead of trying to imitate the life of others, we choose to live a life that is fully aligned to our true desires and innate nature/being.

So here I am inviting you in to embrace the extra ordinary - the ordinary people, places, moments and lives stitched in time by growing closer to our own truth and the wonder that is all around us. The life of the extraordinary and the stories of triumph and glorified success might be alluring (they are certainly not bad). But my hope is that you also open your hearts to see how these stories of ‘extraordinariness’ contain within them many more ordinary moments (that are often sidelined, forgotten or buried), and recognise that it is these ordinary moments that bind us together in our common humanity.

Wonder

1. Are you living an ordinary life that is your own or one that is an imitation of others?

2. Are you yearning for an ordinary life you could marvel at or for an extraordinary life that others could admire?

3. What ordinary moments of your life do you cherish the most?

4. What does your ordinary life grounded in your own truth look and feel like?

5. What aspects of your ordinary life call you into belonging with the ordinary lives of others? In other words, where do you feel the binding of your common humanity as you learn to embrace the ordinary?

As always, I’d love to hear where your wondering takes you, and if you feel called to share, tell me more about your ordinary life.

Resources

I usually would recommend books as resources but this time, I would like to suggest some of my favourite Korean dramas that helped me see the power and beauty of ordinary lives. If you’re keen, here’s a few titles to check out on Netflix:

1. Dear my friends - Highlights the ordinary lives of people of older age and the traumas and losses they have survived

2. Our blues - Captures the ups and downs of the lives of multiple people living and working in a small community on Jeju island

3. My liberation notes - A story of three siblings struggling to break free from the monotony of their ordinary lives

Enjoy!